Why am i not!!!!

Oh lord !!!!! why am i not deaf and dumb?? i ve reached a stage in life where now i feel it would be so great if i was deaf AND dumb.. initially i thought one would suffice but now i feel its preferable to be both.....

How much i talk... the process never stops.. absolutely no control. goes on and on. and hearing somethin back to watever i talk is the aftermath of it..

how muc i talk. and most f thm being unproductive.

I was just wondering how nice it would ve been if i was deaf and dumb. I need not listen to anythin and need 2 talk for or about anythin... I can always read and play and need not listen to an kind of loose talks spoken by pple arnd... me and my own world..

And now having the ability to talk and listen even if i try being quite and live a solitary life people think "oh this guy has so much of attitude" ... MAN!!!! its so pissing off...

Right now i don wanna have any frnds,relationships of any kind lik parents,brother,frnds gal frnds etc..

The kinda Utopian life i have in my mind is to get up in the morning, go for a jog then get ready and go to the college on time... spend the whole day in various libraries gaining lots of knowledge and in the dusk when the sun has jus set sit in a mission or a place nt a temple coz these days tas the place being most visited by people... so a place wher pple hate comin to i would lik to go and meditate for an hour or so... and then come home read books again and go to bed by 9 pm.... I would call ths as life...

But i ve a strong feelin in my mind tat its actually ths particular age and time tat im passing through tat is makin me think all these...

May be wil go in search of the someone who is already in me and be happy with my own spirit... after al who can understand my ownself better than me....